He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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