i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
