dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
