Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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