Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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