He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize