i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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