He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
