Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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