Are we in a gay sports bar?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
