I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
