You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize