I CAN MOONWALK!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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