and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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