Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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