Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
