i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
