Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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