so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
