Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
