I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
