he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
