Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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