Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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