I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
