belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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