My room smells like vodka and shame
People in love make me want to vomit
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
