When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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