I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
