I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
