and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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