I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
