I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize