Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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