No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why did my mother make you get naked?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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