shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
