Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
