i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
