And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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