So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
