I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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