First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
