That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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