I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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