can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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