similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
