i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
