1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
