I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
