matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
