Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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