i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
