So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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