does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
