do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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