1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
