guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize