I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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