soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize