why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
