At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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