I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
