can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
