It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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