So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
