so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
