worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
