I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
