her vagina looked like bernie madoff
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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