from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
