Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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