I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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