i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
