So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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