At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
