What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
