Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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