Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
